Friday, July 6, 2018

Day 3  Indecision

Today, I have had issues on what to concentrate.  I had good intentions this morning, as I laid in bed prior to getting up to exercise on the Elliptical.  I was thinking that I would focus on kindness to myself and in letting go.  I have issues in letting go of thoughts and feelings which are difficult for me.  I have always been intense, especially in my opinions of right and wrong and in how we all should act towards each other.  I have been a Jesus fan growing up.  When he talked about turning the other cheek, doing onto others and giving up everything to follow him, I got excited.  Now, I have calmed down. Earlier, I would carry opinions and have intense feelings of indignation, regret, guilt or even  anger when someone would do something against my ideas of right and wrong.   When I say earlier, I mean a few weeks ago.  Due to being kind to myself, I have focused on letting this go.  I think that the great religious leaders and prophets, such as Buddha and Jesus Christ, didn't let things get to them too much.  Jesus did in the temple, don't get me wrong.  I think he did right since the priests were a bit (well a lot) hypocritical.   Buddha spoke of a monk who carried a woman across the stream with another monk accompanying them.  The monk who was younger and did not perform the act kept talking about the woman who did not thank the first monk for his kind deed.  He went on and on until the first monk said that he dropped the woman at the other side of the river, why couldn't he?  I am the second monk.  It does take a lot to change these opinions and outlooks.  It takes time.  It takes knowing when this is happening.  The benefits, I believe, are worth it.  These feelings can induce anxiety, which later can cause issues with elevated blood pressure, depression, poor health habits and dependency issues.   I have been on blood pressure medications due to anxiety in the past due to unthoughtful behaviors of others.  I have let what they do affect my health both emotionally and physically.  I am beginning to realize this now.  So on Day 3, being kind to myself has meant trying to let go of opinions and feelings related to how others act.  I cannot change them; I can only change me.  

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